I know all kids can be irritable and sometimes secretive, but how do I know when my child’s behavior isn’t normal and I should seek professional help?

Donna L., from Honolulu Hawaii

When should a parent worry—really worry about their child? That question has caused many a sleepless night for moms and dads. Unfortunately there really is no clear-cut “warning list” as to when we should seek professional help for our children. But there are a few signs that can be valuable clues that all is not well.

Ask yourself these seven questions:

1. What is “normal” behavior for your child?

   Some kids are a bit moodier, restless, or private. Your job is to discover your child’s typical everyday behavior. Once you really know his personality and temperament, look for a marked change in what’s normal for your child. Every child is going to feel sad or be angry, but if you see a sudden change in your child’s usual behavior that lasts longer than two weeks then something is going on and you should look further into the cause or get help ASAP.

2. Are you noticing an increase in physical ailments such as headaches, stomachaches, nausea, light-headedness, sweaty palms, sleeplessness or sleeping too much?

   Sure, those can be symptoms of illness, but they can also be signs of stress, anxiety, or depression. It’s easy to confuse emotional symptoms with physical ones (“She must be just over-tired.” “If you’re nauseous and feeling light-headed, you must be coming down with the flu.”) so tune into your child’s physical well-being a bit more. Do the symptoms decrease over time or with usual over-the-counter medication and rest, or do they reoccur? When is the last time your child had a good physical checkup and mentioned the symptoms to the doctor?

3. Is there a marked, sudden, or intense change in your child’s behavior?

   Examples include anger, defiance, crying, eating, dress habits or trouble in school. Is your child suddenly spending more and more time alone, appear sad, have a much tougher time concentrating, or lack interest in things she loves to do?

4. Is your child preoccupied with death?

   For example, is he drawing pictures or writing poems about death, asking questions about funerals, giving away personal belongs, constantly listening to sad songs or lyrics about dying?

5. Do your instincts says something is just not right?

   You might not be able to put your finger on the cause, but there is an aspect of your child that is different and is causing you to worry. This is the one sign parents don’t rely on nearly enough. So use your instinct. If you think something is wrong, chances are you’re right.

6. Have other people who know your child well have shared their concerns?

   Don’t be so quick to dismiss the comment. They might be seeing your child in a different situation or group. Instead, ask for specifics. What exactly is the concern? How often do they see the behavior? How long has the behavior been going on? Enlist the help of those individuals who care about your child and whose opinions you trust.

7. Has your child told you something is wrong and wants help?

   Trust him. If you ever have a strong feeling that something is wrong, don’t wait. Talk to your doctor and access information at reputable resources such as the [National Institute of Mental Health] [http://www.nimh.nih.gov/]. You can find more behavior makeover secrets, in my book, No More Misbehavin’ or at my website, http://www.micheleborba.com/. More! [Rate your child’s mental health] [http://www.kaboose.com/features/healthykids/quiz-rate-your-childs-mental-health.html].