Well, the good news is that you don't need to do "The Talk," where you sit your child down for a one-time-only major birds-and-bees session. However, experts do recommend talking to your child in an age-appropriate way about body changes and emotions throughout childhood, not just when you see signs of puberty. "If you address it in an ongoing way, your kids are much more likely to listen to you later about sexuality and sexual values," says Madaras. "Yes, it can be embarrassing, but that's temporary." Look for teachable moments, which may come up on a TV show, in a novel or a story brought home from school.

Still, it's fine to get more detailed by using a video or book to cover the specifics, and then have a discussion. Getting kids to open up is not easy, notes Madaras. "Rather than saying, 'do you have any questions dear?' and getting 'no!' in reply, talk about some misconception you had at their age, or say 'I wish I could have asked someone about this.'" (But watch out for passing baggage from your own teen traumas on to your kids.) She adds that talking in the car (where you don't have to look at each other!) often works too. No matter how you talk about it, the important thing is getting the dialogue going within the family. Researchers at the School of Social Work at the University of Central Florida found that making a conscious effort to work on communication and decision making helped make both teens and parents more comfortable about talking about sex.

"You don't have to be a walking sexual encyclopedia either," says Madaras. "If you don't know an answer, say so and then find out together. And if the question is too personal, it's ok to stall by saying, 'I need time to think about how to answer that,' and then get back to your child with an answer you're comfortable with."

How do you gauge if you're in "too much information" territory? "We learned that our oldest, who is 11, felt uncomfortable when the answers went beyond the basics. It's important to only give small bits of information at a time, and watch your child to see if he or she is feeling anxious," says Maude*, a mom of two in Chilliwack, British Columbia, Canada. (*Some details have been changed to protect the children's privacy.) "We've always considered talk about the body, sex and sexuality as natural, so we haven't run away screaming when the children have asked a question. When the topic comes up, we deal with it with love, honesty and respect." Openness and straightforwardness is key, agrees Dave Anguzza, dad of three in West Windfield, NY. "Kids can either get the wrong impression, or parents can step in, be involved, and help them build an understanding." And of course, avoid even good-natured teasing about your child's development.

Bottom line: "Kids really want information and they want it from their parents, since they know their friends may not have the facts straight," says Madaras. "However, they're often afraid to ask, because they don't want their parents to think they're thinking about sex! We really have to separate puberty education from sex education."